i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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