Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize