If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize