i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
