Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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