I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
