Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Even my vagina gasped.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
