I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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