names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
