am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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