Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
so much tequila, so little girl.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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