He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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