WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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