I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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