i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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