shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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