drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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