U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
