so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
