just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
