You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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