I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
