I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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