sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
