and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
