Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
