You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
