I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
