That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
