she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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