drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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