:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
