Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
