hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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