If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
