The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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