You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
