Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
