Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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