I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
