who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
