Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if only i could text you this smell
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
