in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
