ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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