when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize