I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
