Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
