Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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