someone get that fucking seahorse.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
