So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am never drinking with the goths again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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