Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
