i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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