I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
