hotel room ftw
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
