I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
