He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
