WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
