I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i barfeds in our rink
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
