These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Operation Purity has been aborted
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
