when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize