Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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