Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
