hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
