I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
