Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
