Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
