I accidentally had phone sex last night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
