They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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