the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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