new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
