I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
