I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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