I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
