is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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