she woke up with a sticky ear
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
